How's your Hang?

A couple of years ago I went travelling with my mate and we visited Thailand. The first place that we stayed at was a hostel on the island of Koh Samui. When we arrived I just concentrated on getting some rays on to my pasty little white body down at the beach. I was also getting really into the Thai cuisine - an absolute bargain at about £1 for a red or green thai curry. At the end of our first day we decided to hit the town and check out the nightlife. It was a pretty boozy night and me and Dave got separated. On my way home I was getting pestered repeatedly by Thai women and men with long hair

who thought that I might have wanted to money for "boom boom." There was one particularly pesky long haired gentleman who wasn't taking "no" for an answer. In fact he followed me to the front door of the hostel. He seemed to get the message that I wasn't paying him for "boom boom" and that if he really wanted sex he might in fact have to pay me. He stopped propisitioning me and produced a white pill and told me to swallow it. I remember saying "no" to this offer. He then got really catty and scary - he was screaming at me and trying to claw on my face with his long nails. Apparently I was out of order for not swallowing his date rape pill.

I remember being petrified of this long haired, long nailed creature and really not having a clue with how to deal with the situation. It had never happened to me before in the United Kingdom. I entered me and Dave's hostel room with the man in tow. Dave woke up and declared in all seriousness that he was "jealous" that I had picked up. I just gave the man 200 Bahts (about £3) and he left me to get some sleep.

I didn't wake up until 2pm. Dave was awake and initially we actually started chatting as normal. Dave was telling me how last night on his way home he was being followed by a gang of lady boys and he got really scared and ran into a hotel to try and hide from them. I then realised my leg was on something sticky. I looked down and my entire, formerly white, bed sheet was brown. My body too was brown. I screamed. Dave looked over and just about puked. He ran outside and stayed outside.

I had to get clean. I ran into the shower. Brown matting had already formed in my hairy legs and I spent time trying to remove this. The drain in the bathtub was starting to clog up so I was standing in brown water. To be honest this was the best place for me. I didn't want to be out in the room where the sheets were. I got clean and decided it was time to face the sheets again. I re-entered the room and fully assessed the damage. There was actually a fair bit of brown on the floor and I noticed the odd spot had even managed to fly across to Dave's bed. Dave re-entered the room and declared that it "fckin stinks" in here. I pointed out the spots of brown on his bed. He didn't seem to appreciate this and he left to go outside again. I attempted to clean up the room as best as I could. I put the sheets in the bin in the corner - I didn't know what else to do with them. The room was still a state and the stench must have been unbelievable. I think the reason that I couldn't smell anything was due to the fact that I had been lying in my own faeces for so long.

Dave and me decided that we had to bail out of the hostel. We ere both hungover and delicate and did not need the room adding to our worries.
We packed our bags and went to the reception desk to check out. I told the nice lady that ran the hostel that we wanted to check out early. She said "No problem, but I will have to check the mini bar in your room first." I said "ok" and off she went. My heart started racing. I was really panicking. She had no idea what she was letting herself in for by going into our room. Her senses would be bombarded by what she was going to have to see and smell in there. How was she going to react to us when (or if) she returned? It certainly wasn't going to be "nice one" and a pat on the back. I said to Dave "Let's fckin go!!!" The lady's son was watching tv next to the reception desk and he saw us bail. I was sure he would warn his mum so the both of us were sprinting down the street in Koh Samui with our flip flops and backpacks on. We sought refuge at a hostel further down the road and checked in for the night.

It goes without saying that I felt bad about this incident. The guilt was hanging over me for the rest of my time on the island. I ended up posting the lady some money to apologise for what I put her through (and also to pay the money we owed her for our short stay). I had other worries from the night to add to my terrible hangover. Why had I had this terrrible accident? Was I just not used to the food? My mind was playing tricks with me and I became concerned that I had swallowed the man's pill. I worried about that a lot and I worried about what the man could have done to me.