Soiled pants
I’m going to tell you the story of a friend who got the nickname “Soiled Pants.” Boy o boy did he have a hangover after this particular night.
Basically the sorry little episode happened when I was in first year at university. My brother’s flatmate had entered a competition and won £1000 worth of free drink behind the bar at a nightclub in Newcastle. My brother said I could come along and that I could bring a friend as there was going to be plenty of drink going about.
So I took my friend who was then called Andy along with me. On arrival we were given a bucket of free Budweisers all to ourselves. We got through the bucket and went to the bar to get some free vodka and cokes and pick up another bucket of Buds. Why not? It was free.
Anyway we were having a whale of a time – everyone was sitting back and making the most of the free booze.
After an hour or so my friend disappeared. He had been away for a while and nobody had any idea where he was. My brother’s friend then returned from the toilet and told everyone “I’ve just been to the urinals, Andy was in the cubicle – the door was wide open and he was wiping his backside with a sock.” I wasn’t sure if this was a wind up or not until Andy re-entered the bar looking decidedly sheepish. There seemed to be something big in his jeans pocket and when asked what was in his pocket he was disinclined to answer. Regrettably somebody put their hand into his pocket and pulled out the item that was in it – a pair of soiled boxer shorts. These then got thrown around the bar and Andy just sat and had a few more drinks.
When I woke up the next day I had a really bad hangover from the night but at least it couldn’t have been as bad as Andy’s. I’m afraid I probably didn’t help his hangover by telling everyone in my university Halls of Residence what happened.
There is one unresolved mystery from the night. If he was determined to take his soiled boxer shorts back home with him then what on earth did he do with his sock?
