SPIKE!!
Howsyourhang have received an email from a woman called Amanda who explains that she is a mother of 3 grown up boys and 1 girl.
Her email reads:
“I’ve been reviewing this site with interest and I feel that whoever goes on the site should be made more aware of the dangers of alcohol. I appreciate that you’re trying to help people through their hangovers but I think it’s very important that you send out as responsible a message as you can. My son Tony is 24 and a decade ago he just about lost his left testacle after a night out on the town in Nottingham.
Little Tony was 14 and had just discovered girls and drinking like most boys that age. I allowed him to go out to a party at one of his friend’s houses one Saturday night. I heard him come in to the house at 2 am (an hour after his curfew!) and go up to his bedroom. At 5 am I heard screams. A panicked looking Tony came running down the stairs in his birthday suit. He exclaimed ‘Mum, my ball is bleeding, it’s bleeding, help me Mum!!’ I asked to take a look and Tony removed his hands (which were covered in blood) from his obviously wounded genitalia. Blood sputtered all over my new carpet in the hall so I found myself in the rather incestuous looking situation of kneeling down cupping my son’s testacle to try and stop any further blood loss. A close inspection revealed a gash approximately 1 inch in diameter in his left testacle. This really did not look good for him. His testacle was like a punctured football - deflated and withered. His father came out into the hallway to see what all the commotion was. I just remember hearing him gasp, then there was a crash and more blood. My husband had fainted, splitting his bald head open on the corner of the table in the hall. I had to get these two to hospital fast.
My husband came round but it looked like he would need stitches as he had a nasty cut at the back of his head. I ordered Tony to put some clothes on and we all hurried off to A&E. Tony’s testacle was still bleeding profusely in the car on the way there. In fact he had found a clementine in the passenger seat of the car and was pressing the peel against his injury. I’m not sure if anyone else has ever entered A&E with both hands down their jeans, holding their testacle, but Tony did that night. When we got to the A&E desk the receptionist asked what was wrong with my husband and son. I explained that little Tony had a large gash in his testacle and how my husband had fainted and split his head open. My husband would need stitches and would have to wait for an hour or so. The receptionist said Tony should be seen to immediately.
A doctor called Tony’s name and I accompanied him to the treatment room. Tony had to take off his briefs. The Doctor looked concerned. Tony’s injured testacle had shrunk significantly since I last saw it half an hour ago. His ball sack was a dark shade of blue, verging on black. The Doctor examined the area carefully. Tony squealed and recoiled in pain when The Doctor prodded the injury. ‘How did this happen?’ the Doctor asked. Tony looked sheepish. ‘It’s very important I know how this happened and when this happened’ the Doctor said. ‘There is a significant laceration to your left testicle. Fortunately there does not appear to be any infection, but to help rule out the possibility of infection and the potential necessity for removal of the infected testicle I need to know how and when this occurred.’ Tony started crying. No young boy wants to lose a testacle. He explained ‘I was out clubbing with a few friends. It’s the first time I’ve been, honest. Anyway we were queuing for a club and it was taking ages. I decided to jump the spiked fence to try and get in quicker. I suppose that must have been when it happened as I remember I caught myself on a spike. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I’d had a bit to drink and didn’t really notice, but I woke up this morning and my bed sheets were all wet. I thought I’d wet myself but when I turned the light on I saw my sheets were red. Then I saw the state of my testacle..’ I couldn’t bear to be angry with Tony –the possibility of him losing his ball was punishment enough. The Doctor said ‘It’s imperative we get you patched up before the wound gets infected and before you incur any further blood loss.’ Tony was given 8 stitches and told he was a very lucky boy. The Doctor said if the injury had been left unattended for much longer he might have been going home with his testacle in a jar.
When we left the treatment room we met Tony’s father who had just been patched up himself. We returned home. When we got back Tony handed me his blood soaked pyjamas and sheets for the washing machine. It took me the whole day just to get the all the blood stains from that night out of the carpet. Tony visited his GP the next week to get his stitches removed. Fortunately for Tony he was lucky but I think he learned his lesson.”
