Last night
I went for downstairs for a drink about 2:25 am. On returning to my bed I noticed my flatmate still wasn't back from the ball he was at. At 2:30 am I heard our wheelie bin outside our flat get smashed onto the pavement. (This noise was unusually loud as my room is situated at the opposite end of the flat) I then heard a key scratching and banging at the lock of the front door for approximately five minutes. After this duration the front door was slammed open banging off the wall. It sounded as if a bull had entered the dwelling.
There was a series of extremely loud and terrifying bangs and smashing noises coupled with screams of "PARTY" and aggressive "Uh"s. This continued for approximately ten minutes until I heard footsteps up the stairs, muttered expletives and my bedroom door bang open so hard it nearly shattered the wall. I was then physically attacked for approximately fifteen minutes by the offensively inebriated individual whilst being told "I'm going to fucking cut you you cunt".
After the violence had ceased I had to rescue my desk chair which my flatmate was attempting to throw out my bedroom window along with some clothes. The psycho then became tired and fell backwards onto my floor. It was at this point that I attempted to get some conversation with the stinking human carcass that was sweating on my floor. This proved impossible but I was able to make out the slurred phrase "I'm off my fucking rocker" before it passed out.
I lay in bed as he gurgled and snored at the foot of my bed for some twenty minutes. Afraid of possible future defecation/urination/vomiting on my floor I dragged the body, with his kilt up over his face and genitals (testicles and penis) fully exposed, out to the hallway. I returned to bed but was woken up not fifteen minutes later by a scream that sounded like a wounded lion and a large cracking thud coming from the bathroom next door.
Upon further investigation I walked into the bathroom to find a large urine stain just next to the toilet and my flat mate half in and half out of the bath having collapsed. A rye smile spread across his red face as he saw me walk in. This face did not last long however as his body started to convulse and brown projectile vomit exploded from his mouth to the other end of the bathtub as he was bent double. This continued for approximately ten minutes between garbled cries of "whats happening", "Ive never felt this bad before" and "fucking help me". I managed to remove him from the bathtub and lay him down on his bed, removing a sporren and kilt jacket with great difficulty.
I was (stupidly) sure that this terrbile experience was over for both of us. Not twenty minutes later my bedroom door crashed against the wall again. The drunken hunchback then asked me if "I was coming into town with him" and repeated "lets fucking go mate" many times over. I found this request some what confusing as he was both naked and stained and all the clubs in town had shut some time ago. To be fair I was given the option of not going with him into town aslong as I got "some fucking birds round to the gaff". He became bored soon after making his demands and I heard him clatter down the stairs one final time.
I was woken at 9 am this morning by repeated loud banging and shouts of "Lets get this fucking party started" and "I'm going to cut your fucking tit off". I quickly worked out that whatever was consumed by my flatmate the previous night had not worn off quite yet. I nervously crept downstairs for the first time to discover the affects of the crashing around that had happened as the drunk man returned to the flat. In the sitting room the large sofa was broken at one end, all pillows and cushions had been violently thrown into the corner of the room, a smashed plate was lying in the centre of the carpet, large black scars were all over the front of one of the doors and outside the front of the house on the pavement was one of my shoes and a chair from the dining room.
